After an argument with a loved one do you ever find yourself thinking, wow that escalated quickly? How did we get here? My partner just said he didn’t want to go to the beach with my family. Somehow, we ended up arguing about how he doesn’t love me anymore. You just remember yelling, crying, and cannot remember your thought process or even everything that was said. There was likely a trigger during this interaction you should investigate further. There are ways to intervene during an escalation to prevent such a huge emotional explosion.
Calming Autonomic Stress Response
First, try to notice what you are experiencing physically, mentally, and emotionally. When triggered you may experience an increase in cortisol and adrenaline resulting in your heart racing, breathing quickly, shaking, disorientation, fear, or disorganization. When you recognize these feelings, you should seek to calm your body and mind. Start with 6 deep calming breathings. Feel yourself centered with feet planted firmly on the ground. Focus on something in the present. Is there a picture nearby you can focus on each color, a smell you can focus attention on, or an object you can squeeze and feel textures?
Coping Techniques
Once you have calmed your autonomic response, you can start using your coping techniques. Are there activities, things, or people who help when you feel stressed? Some techniques helpful in coping are listening to music, writing, art, reading, physical activity, meditation, puzzles, playing with pets, talking with friends/family, watching funny videos, and cleaning. Different techniques work best for everyone so try many to see what works for you.
Coping Strategy
After you have successfully used some coping techniques and are feeling better, you can start to form coping strategies for future use. Coping strategies should focus on reducing the emotional and physical reaction to triggers. Start with trying to determine why you're experiencing a trigger reaction. Write down what is experienced in body/mind when you experience the trigger. Does it have to do with a previous trauma? What actions do you take because of being triggered? Then you can start to create a plan of how you will cope with each trigger. Write down your plan. Self-reflection and building self-awareness are key elements in developing an effective coping strategy.
Professional Help
Some people who find themselves often triggered or having severe reactions when triggered will benefit from professional mental health services. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or other therapies based on your unique needs may prove extremely helpful. Through CBT you will become more aware of your cognitive distortions causing you distress and related behaviors. You will then learn how to reframe unhealthy thoughts and incorporate healthy behaviors when dealing with stressors. Some people may also benefit from prescription medications/supplements/vitamins if their trauma triggers are causing them unmanageable anxiety, depression, irritability, explosiveness, or other forms of distress. Reach out to a mental health provider if you feel like you need a little extra help coping.
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